World Ten: Top 10 weapons

Be aware that this list may contain mad ****SPOILERS****

My first top ten list is going to be a short list of the weapons that I still think of to this day. Basically, means of killing enemies that have made an impact on me, causing me to reflect and think "Okay, yeah, that was awesome." Sure, there are a ton of these lists floating around, and I'm sure that you're likely able to predict a few of them right off the bat...but I'm hoping there'll be a few surprises in here. Just bear in mind that this is my personal opinion, of course, and the selections I choose may not be as obvious as one might think.

The biggest problem is figuring out what order to put the damn things in, as a number one weapon of all time is extremely hard for a gamer who started back in the 80s to decide upon. A game with weapons is, in my opinion, defined by that weapon set, since they're clearly the tools that you're going to be using the most to get out of sticky situations. The right tool needs to be chosen properly...but then at the same time, maybe a game player establishes a soft spot for a weapon that's not entirely convenient but tries to make the best use of it. This is one of the tough parts of weapon selection...finding that balance between what's useful, and what you just plain enjoy using. For example, I don't want to go through a modern shooter using 76 different kinds of machine gun with different fire rates and recoil...that just becomes boring for me, but I know that certain gamers prefer to pick the most efficient weapons. Personally though, I tend to use the oddball ones just because they're fun...even though I might send myself to the grave with them more often than I likely should.

Anyway, on to the list.

10) Line Gun - Dead Space

Yes, I realize that Dead Space is a new franchise and not terribly classic at all. However, this game has easily become one of my favourite games as of late because it nails its presentation and atmosphere perfectly, and delivers a solid, SOLID survival horror experience. Weapons are a key component of this game, of course...but you need to be careful about your ammo count, and you really need to watch where you shoot. The concept of survival in Dead Space, in case you haven't heard of it, is "strategic dismemberment". This basically means you need to learn to cut off the limbs of your foes, rather than go for head shots because they do next to nothing. Cutting limbs will do extra damage as well as slow down your adversaries, so it's beneficial to aim at the limbs whenever you possibly can.

So the Line Gun is a beautiful weapon in this regard. Its primary function lets loose a wide-range horizontal beam of glowing blue energy at whatever poor necromorph is on the receiving end, severing anything it sears through. The best part, however, is that it can travel through your enemies, and so whenever you're faced with a hallway of nasty aliens in a straight line...you know exactly what to use. Aim this fuckin' thing at their legs and watch them all fall to the ground like bowling pins, and then fire another beam to cut the rest of them apart, or pick them off with another weapon.

In essence, this weapon is an energy lawnmower...if your lawn happens to be necromorphic in nature. It's probably the most recent weapon that makes me think "Oh hell yes" when I look back on it.

9) Land Shark Gun - Armed and Dangerous

When I said earlier that a game with weapons is defined by those weapons...this game quickly becomes defined in a strange, strange way. Which is certainly the case...this game is messed up. Not completely buggered, but messed up in a Earthworm Jim or MDK sort of messed up in that it's quirky.

Armed and Dangerous is a straight up third-person shooter. You run around and kill enemies in standard shooter fashion, with a pretty standard weapon set. You have your machine gun, bolt action rifle, rocket launcher...but then you acquire a mortar launcher that's fashioned from a tuba...and a device that reverses gravity (I think it was called the Topsy Turvy grenade), causing gravity to reverse and all your foes to fall into the stratosphere. Oh, and then you get a cannon that launches sharks.

This is not a water based game, people. You are not firing sharks into the water...these are LAND sharks. One pull of this trigger will unleash a small gray pod into the earth below your feet. Give it a few seconds, and suddenly you see a dorsal fin sticking up through the ground, moving towards the nearest enemy. It disappears suddenly, and the bad guy starts looking around him...then BAM. A great white surfaces and grabs him, shakes him around, and drags him under the soil. The sharks will usually track down around 3 or 4 people before ending their spree...and man, it never gets old, because it's just so fucking ridiculous.

8) Flamethrower - Contra 3: The Alien Wars

"What the hell?" I bet that's what you're thinking right now, because I haven't picked the Spread Gun. Well that's too damn bad, because as much as I like that veritable death machine, I like the Flamethrower just a little bit more.

This weapon wasn't really introduced in Contra 3, but I would say C3 was the beginning of having a truly useful flame weapon in the series. Contra had the fireball gun, which shot spiraling, tiny fireballs across the screen...very slowly. Its only real good quality was that the movement of the fireball gave each shot some width to it, or at least the illusion of some width...and it had decent power, but not enough to make it at all memorable. Super C had an improved fireball gun, in that it shot large fireballs that fragmented into smaller ones upon impact of an enemy or obstacle...it could even be charged up a bit to fire a larger projectile that busted into 8 fragments rather than the initial 4...pretty nifty, and I actually wound up using it quite a bit.

The Contra 3 flamethrower, however...now we're talking. This thing actually functioned how a flamethrower does (within reason, of course...this IS just a SNES game after all), with a whip of flames streaming from the end of your gun as long as you were holding the trigger. If you turned around, the whole flame whip would spin around you to face the other way, basically meaning this weapon could destroy things in a full 360 degree range around your character. Not only this, but it delivered constant-hit damage as long as you're concentrated on some poor, poor boss or strong enemy. Think the fun stops there? Hell no it doesn't...pick up a second flamethrower in your inventory, hold both shoulder buttons and the fire button, and you jump in the air, with two flame whips spinning around you in unison, turning you into a giant inferno spiral. Pretty badass, if not a little tough to find a use for...but also badass. Maybe the Spread Gun's easier to use and a bit more practical, but I definitely don't find it as fun as torching my way through Red Falcon's army of idiots. Plus it reminds me of Aliens, when Ripley goes and torches the Queen and her eggs...awesome.

7) EarthShaker Missile - Descent 2

Holy fuck. That was my first thought when I shot this damn thing. WHAT HAVE I DONE?!

I don't know how many people have played the Descent series...but I feel like it's likely a number much too low for what the games merit. Descent 2 did for Descent what Doom 2 did for Doom. Improved the fuck out of it...and perhaps the most interesting thing that Descent 2 did...was DOUBLE the amount of weapons at your disposal. This game had 20 tools of destruction (21 if you count flares...and 26 if you count each level of laser!) to blow robots away with. For those not familiar with Descent, it's pretty much a game with the same general idea as Doom. You fly around in mines on different planets that have been overrun with robots that've gone haywire from some sort of virus and clear them out with your arsenal while finding keycards to access new areas. Each level had a reactor (or boss) at the end, and when you destroyed it, you had a limited amount of time to find the exit of each mine before you were blown to smithereens along with the mine. Pretty intense stuff, actually...I remember my heart racing as I flew around the more complex levels, trying to figure out how to access the escape hatch...often needing to use the Afterburner to reach it with 1 or 2 seconds to go.

But this list is about weapons! And what a weapon...the coveted EarthShaker Missile, which you only actually find a few times throughout the course of the game, is a blue and white, rocket-propelled death machine. You queue this thing up in your secondary weapon slot and fire (preferably not in an area where you're even remotely close to ANY form of obstacle or wall). The first thing that happens is your whole ship kicks back as the missile lets fly. It hurtles forward, and when it comes into contact with a wall (or an enemy robot...which by the way, is fucking toast), a massive blue shockwave tears up anything around it, including you. The whole fucking level shakes (hence the name EarthShaker) along with your ship, which is jostled around like someone's picked you up and shaken you like a snowglobe. But that isn't it...the initial impact of the missile sends out about 5 smaller missiles that have the EXACT SAME EFFECT AS THE FIRST IMPACT. Plus they home in on enemies. Yeah, how's that for fucking overkill? Bear in mind though that if there aren't any enemies around, these smaller missiles are thrown completely at random from the explosion and potentially in your direction. When I was a kid and I first launched this thing, I'm pretty sure I lost all bowel and bladder control and my eyes bled.

6) Axe - the Castlevania series

If you don't know what Castlevania is, then you should probably get off of this blog right now and punch yourself in the face. CV is a mainstay of the gaming world, and an unrivaled classic series that never really ceases to impress me in some way, even in the weaker entries. The game has changed around though, over the years. Castlevania used to be known as a terribly difficult platforming game, where you progressed from level to level in typical fashion while wiping out hordes of supernatural enemies with a whip called the Vampire Killer...because you were on the way to slay Dracula, you see. You almost always used to play as a member of the Belmont clan, who are destined to slay Drac whenever he manages to resurface. Lately, they've taken a more exploratory, Super Metroid-ish approach, such as in Symphony of the Night and Aria of Sorrow...and although I absolutely adore that style, it's the classic platforming that keeps me coming back to Castlevania. Super Castlevania 4 in particular...and more recently, Castlevania: The Adventure ReBirth that you can get from the Wii's shopping channel (and I highly recommend you do...it's a great title and I'll likely review it soon).

Anyway, as I said, the series is notable for the use of a whip to slay your supernatural opposition. However, there are other weapons called subweapons at your disposal, which are most often the knife, axe, cross, holy water, and stopwatch. Each has its own function...the knife can take out weak enemies quickly in front of you, while the stopwatch freezes time for a few moments so you can bypass tough enemies or obstacles. The axe, however, is my personal favourite and perhaps gives you one of the advantages that you really lack in Castlevania games...the ability to attack things above or below you. Although Super CV 4 allowed you to whip in 8 directions, the other CV games generally did not, and being able to hit objects that were out of your reach was a huge difference. The axe allowed you to take out irritating enemies such as Fleaman-dropping Harpies, vultures that flew above you in the air before striking, or even ground based enemies that were simply a floor above you so you could dispose of them without a head-on encounter. Not to mention, it also (to my knowledge) did about the same amount of damage as a whip attack, and could also hit multiple targets in its parabola-shaped path. A useful tool indeed for any vampire hunter who lacks the dexterity to whip at more than two angles.

5) Rocket Launcher - the Resident Evil series

If you talk to almost any fan of the Resident Evil franchise, they'll almost undoubtedly have fond recollections of the almighty rocket launcher. As a survival horror series, the original Resident Evil games (let's say 1-3, since 4 reinvented everything) really didn't have too much to offer the player in terms of heavy weaponry. You were mostly relying on your pistol or shotgun for the game, along with say, a grenade launcher and magnum to use on the tougher foes...but you had limited ammo for all of these things. You had to ration it out, and be really careful with the placement of your shots to ensure that you didn't get whittled down to knifing zombies or Lickers, because the knife in the original games was next to useless. You may as well have been holding a toothpick.

By the end of these games, you eventually become faced with a brutal enemy...say for example, the Tyrant at the end of RE 1 and 2. He's tossing your ass around, and you're plugging away at him with your weaponry, but it doesn't seem to be doing too much and you eventually start to be like "What the hell, why won't this thing just die already?" Well the answer to that question is because you don't have the Rocket Launcher with you yet, which should be arriving in...3...2...1......

"*character name*! Use this!"

And then bam. There's a big ol' RL at your feet. You pick that puppy up and equip it and prepare to kick some ass! Then you notice that there's a very limited number of shots in it. Don't you worry...this is the Rocket Launcher we're talking about. You only need one of those fuckers. The last boss (or close to last, as the case may be) is busted apart in a cinematic finish by a rocket, and for all intents and purposes, you're pretty much set to complete the game.

But that's not it! Finish those games quickly enough and you can have an INFINITE Rocket Launcher for the duration of the game! Very badass. It's mostly the fact that this ultimate weapon of the RE universe is almost always used as a finisher for the games that really makes it the kind of weapon that you remember.

4) Beam Attack - The Legend of Zelda

The Legend of Zelda series is critically acclaimed as one of the best series to ever be created...but I'm sure you already know the history and ideas behind the game, so I'll skip to the meat and potatoes of this weapon. In the original LoZ game, Link had the ability to fire lasers out of his sword. The manual referred to this as "throwing your sword", but it looked like a laser sword was being shot out, and it definitely made a sound like a laser was being shot, so yeah. Why you would try and disguise the awesome fact that you're firing beams out of a metal blade is beyond my grasp.

The great thing about this weapon is that, for the most part, you had to be up close and personal in Zelda games. Zelda 1 in particular had some pretty damn nasty enemies to get close to that could deal out some mad damage in a short amount of time, and so of course it would be beneficial to you to be able to attack from a distance. Well, your prayers are answered!

...As long as you're good enough to have your life meter completely maxed out. Yeah, that was the trade off. The developers knew it was so damn handy, so they HAD to make it difficult to keep around...and it was, but for that brief amount of time that you were able to fire lasers out of a giant knife at enemies that were across the room, you felt like a damn god.

The beam attack is pretty much gone now, which irritates me. It made appearances in Zelda 2, Link to the Past, and the Gameboy and GBA Zelda games (and I guess maybe you could call the stuff you shoot from the Helix Sword in Majora's Mask when you're wearing the Fierce Deity Mask the beam attack), but other than a few scarce appearances, it's largely absent. I think I recall seeing a beta screen of Ocarina of Time with a beam attack being used, but if that were the case then clearly it was cut from the game.

Maybe one day, we'll get to see it in a full 3D Zelda game...*tear*

3) Railgun - Quake 2

This should come as no surprise to anyone. Introduced to iD games in Quake 2, the Railgun is the most snipery gun without being a sniper rifle at all. It continued to appear in Quake games, but the version of the weapon found in Q2 is definitely my favourite iteration. The bare bones explanation of a railgun is actually quite simple. Two magnetic rails are placed side by side, with a small space in between them, where a projectile is located. When the railgun is activated, these magnetic rails become electromagnetically charged and propel the projectile out at insane speeds. INSANE speeds...Wikipedia says that the U.S. army made one that fires a projectile at 7 times the speed of sound, and well know we can trust Wikipedia!

Anyway, the theory is cool, but it'd be damn tough to have one small enough to carry around. Sure enough though, Quake 2 has one! It fires depleted uranium slugs at insantaneous velocities that rip your enemies apart in an instant, leaving a nice little pile of gibs. Oh, and don't forget that distinctive, stylish, spiral-shaped smoke trail it leaves. Now that's friggin' cool. The only problem, of course, is that you needed to be pinpoint accurate with this weapon...but in the hands of someone really good, you may as well be up against the Grim Reaper himself, because 3 shots at most is all that's needed to send someone to the grave...usually 1 shot'll do it though. The reload time is a little brutal, but overall the Railgun is one of the coolest, most indispensible tools found in the FPS genre.

"Impressive!"

2) Plasma Rifle - the Doom series

Most people look at Doom, and two weapons come to mind. Those weapons are often the chainsaw and the BFG 9000. Sure, those weapons are pretty sweet...the chainsaw is unparalleled when it comes to taking out a demon quickly and without letting them get a chance to attack...and the BFG is...well, the BFG is the BFG. It's an icon of the series used for leveling anything in your path, as long as you know how to use it correctly, of course.

Despite these weapons being the ones that Doom is the most well known for, I'm going to chat about the Plasma Rifle. This is the only other weapon in the game besides the BFG 9K to use energy, so when you use ammo for one, you use it for the other. The plasma rifle fires a nearly constant stream of blue bolts through the air, and it burns through ammo like no one's business...but that's not really that big of a deal. The fact of the matter is that the plasma bolts themselves are so damn fast as they fly through the air, that you rarely miss...and that means that you rarely miss with a whole stream of it. With a backpack on, you can carry up to 600 energy cells, meaning you have a lot of plasma rifling to do.

I guess the main reason why the Plasma Rifle made my list is because I simply like it. It's a great all-around weapon that you can hose any demon down with in a fairly short amount of time, except of course for the Cyberdemon and Spider Mastermind, and it looks damn cool while doing it. The plasma rifle in Doom 3 is a bit slower, and has to be reloaded, so it's not as solid as the original classic one...but it's still pretty neat.

1) Hyper Beam - Super Metroid

So this is my number one favourite weapon, hands down. We're not talking about the version found in the Prime series...we're talking about the absolute original Hyper Beam from Super Metroid. The entire reason behind this choice is not necessarily because the weapon itself is so awesome, but also the method by which it's acquired. The Hyper Beam is a plot point in itself. Allow me to explain.

So you're at the end of Super Metroid, facing Mother Brain one-on-one. Only a few minutes prior, a giant-ass Metroid has come out of nowhere and sapped the life out of you to near death (you're left with 1 point of energy by the time it suddenly stops and flies away...absolutely bewildered me when I first played this game). So then you book it and shortly find an energy recharge station, wondering what the fuck was up with that Metroid.

Back to the battle...you're beating the shit out of Mother Brain. Yeah, this isn't so bad, she'll be dead in no time! What's she doing? Oh, that's just Mother Brain charging energy into a giant multicoloured beam that fires from her single eye and pins you against the wall, draining your energy at an alarming rate...and it's unavoidable. When this first happened, I thought I just had to keep shooting her and eventually she'd stop...so you get up from the first blast and keep firing, only to be trapped by the same weapon again.

So I'm about 10 or 11, and I'm shitting my pants because there's no damn way I can win! My shots don't seem to be doing anything to her, and she takes tank after tank away from my energy reserves, absolutely destroying me. I figured there was some kinda trick...

And there was.

Right when MB's about to deliver that final blow, that friggin' Metroid comes back and intercepts her right before she fires, sucking the life out of her and leaving her as a nearly-dead husk. The Metroid then comes over to Samus, and transfer's Mother Brain's energy to her, filling up all of your energy reserves...but MB starts to breathe again, and she gets off her fat ass and commences the pummeling of the Metroid. She kills it...and then Samus gets to her feet and you're back in control and pissed off.

Oh, and by the way...you have Mother Brain's weapon now. You find this out when you start firing GIANT MULTICOLOURED BEAMS OF DEATH from your arm cannon. You go into your status screen to see what the heck is going on, and in your weapon list, you only have one thing.

Hyper Beam.

Samus fires bolt after bolt at the bitch, causing her to recoil and scream every time she's hit, until she finally gives up the ghost and crumbles to the floor. Then the self-destruct sequence starts and you have to book it outta the planet.

That's all I'll explain about that situation, but the fact is this damn weapon catches you completely off guard at first, and right when you think you're done for. It's also during a pretty emotional scene (at the time, and for a Metroid game of all things), where that Metroid gives it's life to save Samus because, for all intents and purposes, Samus is its mother. The sheer power, the sudden appearance, the twist of fate involved, and the devastating amount of revenge you exact with the Hyper Beam cause it to place as my number 1 video game weapon.