Recently I've really been stuck in some kind of rut when it comes to video games, in that I've really been going nuts playing Bionic Commando (and its remake for the XBLA, Bionic Commando: Rearmed). I remember playing this game when I was a kid...my next door neighbour had it, and I never really got around to playing it until we traded games at one point. He had some good games, but also some terrible ones, so I never really knew what to expect when it came to borrowing a cartridge from him...particularly one that we hadn't even checked out yet. However, it turned out that this game trade was certainly one of the good ones, because Bionic Commando had me hooked very, very quickly.
Years've passed since I've played that cartridge, but just recently I found a really sweet store in Toronto called A+C Games. Me and a couple of friends were walking to go and get some food and we passed by the store, which Tron suggested we check out while we were there. I didn't really know what to expect, but it wound up being a really, really intense game trading store. Walls and walls of NES, SNES, 64 and Genesis cartridges, as well as more recent games on the opposite side of the store. Controller peripherals plastered all over the walls, from Guitar Hero guitars to joystick peripherals to the almighty Super Scope. Round that off with a bunch of random video game merchandise, and you have yourself a really fuckin' sweet store! I didn't even know where the fuck to start at first, but the first things I checked out were the NES games.
Now, it's not like I hadn't been searching around for Bionic Commando...it's a particularly tricky game to get a hold of, and up until I visited A+C, I hadn't seen another cartridge in person besides the one that my neighbour had owned when I was about 6 or 7. I had tried to purchase it on eBay a few times recently, and it was sniped from right under my fuckin' nose (as eBay-goers tend to do...dirty bastards). I was searching through the NES games and seeing old classics that I remember renting repeatedly, such as Gyruss and Captain Skyhawk...as well as pretty much every game that my neighbour had back in the day: bad ones like Hydlide, Xenophobe, and Infiltrator; but also the coveted Bionic Commando.
I bought that cunt.
After trying it on an NES that they had set up in the store to make sure it worked, of course. Worked like a damn charm, so I snatched it right up...and man, am I glad that I did. So I'm gonna rant about it because it's been just living in my NES since I bought it, and I think I must've played through it...15 times since that fateful day in March.
Bionic Commando is a game created by a very little known developer called Capcom. I'm sure you've never heard of them OH WAIT they are all over the place and they rock the VG industry. It's based loosely on the arcade version of Bionic Commando, but only in concept. The game is a sidescroller, as many games of the day were...but it had a catch. If you think back to most classic sidescrolling games such as the Mario series, Zelda II, the Castlevania series, Contra, etc., I'm sure you remember being able to hit the good ol' A button to cause your character to jump in order to clear obstacles. It was pretty much a mainstay of sidescrolling games, getting to the point where it was instinctual to do so and expect Mega Man or Simon to leap over stuff, and even to the point where when games had it backwards (B for jumping, A for other stuff) it just fucked you right up and felt wrong. So when you fire up Bionic Commando, you expect something similar to occur. However, Bionic Commando takes the concept of jumping and wipes its ass with it, throwing the used, pooey tissue at your eyes.
You can't jump in this game. Instead of hopping when you press A, your character, Rad Spencer (or Ladd, at a specific point of Engrish in the game...of which there are a good amount) will throw out a bionic grappling arm which will latch onto certain surfaces. Holding Up when you do this will shoot the arm straight up, vertically, and then you can reel it in to climb onto platforms directly above you. If you just press A, you'll shoot it diagonally in whatever direction you're facing which allows you to swing and propel yourself over obstacles or cliffs. Holding left or right when you press A will fire the arm out horizontally, and if you latch onto something you can pull yourself towards it. The bionic arm really creates a unique side scrolling experience in that the game isn't just about running at a cliff and jumping it simply. You need to think about where to place your grapples in order to swing over obstacles safely...and believe me, it can be really fuckin' tricky at some points and you need pixel perfect grappling and swinging to traverse a few locations. In addition, if you press A when you're swinging back and forth, you'll reel your arm in and climb onto whatever you're attached to. Oh, and you can even hit guys with your arm to knock them back a little bit if one of those assholes is in your way!
So when it comes down to it, you may not be able to jump but you still have a pretty sweet range of motions and a lot of control over what Rad does. As for the rest of the control, you have your standard left and right movement, crouching, and shooting with the B button...all pretty normal except for that grappling arm. Oh, and also for some reason the Select button pauses your game, while Start will use up a special item that you've equipped to take into the current level. This is kinda weird and causes some confusion initially...there've certainly been a few times when I've wanted to pause the game and accidentally used my fuckin' life refilling Medicine instead...but you can get used to it.
Level selection is not linear in this game, which is pretty damn cool. Rather than simply progress from level to level, you have a map screen where you control a helicopter that flies you to your various destinations. When you reach each potential destination, you have a choice of either descending to the area and checking it out, or transferring to a new one. This gives you a few options when it comes to how you play the game. Want to clear out Area 05 before Area 01? Go fuckin' nuts! Want to visit a town area to pickup an extra life to tackle that tough level that's been sapping you of your patience? Knock yourself out, for god's sakes! There are a few levels where you need certain upgrades to progress...but not many. I think only two. However you can't travel to certain locations on the map until you clear every area beforehand...so you can't make that long jaunt to Area 08 from Area 06 until you've cleared all of Areas 01-06 beforehand, as well as checked out the towns. Otherwise you would just be able to scoot right toward the end of the game without playing a single level! That would be lame. Also, there are enemy trucks that travel around the map screen, and if you happen to run into one, you are required to descend and clear your way through a short overhead level (reminiscent of the game Commando...sort of a pseudo-prequel to this game) full of enemies.
However, you have even more choice than just picking what levels you tackle and in what order. Before you descend, you have a set of four screens where you can pick what equipment you take into the area, which is pretty damn cool actually. You can choose your weapon, of which there are 5: your normal weapon, the Wide Cannon, the 3-Way shot, the Machinegun, and the almighty Rocket Launcher. Obviously the weapons all have different qualities: your normal weapon fires straight ahead; the Rocket Launcher fires a large projectile that blows through multiple enemies at once, but you can only have one projectile on the screen at a time (not that that actually matters that much with this sweet piece of fuckin' hardware); or the 3-Way shot shoots a ranged bolt straight ahead, one vertically up, and one vertically down, allowing you to take out enemies without even facing them head on. Overall, the weapons are okay, but I find I don't use the Wide Cannon or Machinegun all that much because of their terrible range. Maybe I oughtta give them more of a chance though. *looks at Rocket Launcher* Oh wait...no I shouldn't.
Another screen allows you to pick a special item to take into a level with you, which may need to be activated by pressing Start (like that damned Medicine that occasionally is used by accident, as I mentioned before). These types of items consist of the Medicine and the Flare...the medicine fills up your health, while the flare illuminates dark areas (of which there is only one: Area 04). The other 3 items give you enhanced abilities: the rapid fire device allows your normal weapon to fire continuously if you hold the button down (but it's still limited to 2 projectiles on the screen at once...so meh); the iron boots let you kill enemies by swinging into them; and the permit lets you just get into this one town...so that one kinda sucks.
The third screen lets you pick your armor, of which there are three to pick from. The first is a Pendant which absorbs one enemy bullet. After that you find a helmet which lets you absorb 3 bullets, and a bulletproof vest which has an interesting quality. It works every time, technically...but only for the first shot in a set of bullets. For example, if three bullets are heading your way, the vest will only block the first of the set. A little weird, and you get it late in the game...but still neat.
The final screen for equipment lets you choose a communicator to take into a level. Certain communicators only work in certain levels, so you have to pick wisely. If you are successful, when you find a comms room in an Area you'll be able to communicate with allies or wiretap and listen in on enemy conversations. The problem with wiretapping is that it'll occasionally cause a bunch of enemies to find you and attack, so it's sort of a risk. Communicating with your allies with reveal parts of the story or small hints, and also open up doors to continue through levels...although even if you take in the wrong communicator and can't contact your allies successfully, the game will still open a door for you because it would blow if you got stuck. New communicators are found in neutral town areas, so it's handy to go and explore the towns.
The equipment selection screenLet's continue with the opposition. The enemies you're fighting throughout the course of the games are members of a military group called the "Badds". However, for all intents and purposes, you can just call them fuckin' Nazis...and what better type of enemy is there to blow away than fascist pricks? Not very many that I can think of. These guys can range from normal soldiers that run back and forth and fire every so often, to stationary guys that control little flying robots that attack you, to hulking brutes that toss huge spiked balls that you need to avoid. There're also helicopters and cranes that are piloted by midgets...which get blown out of the machine when you destroy them and then you can pick them off (crouching, of course), as well as other random robotic enemies like small drone robots on wheels or turrets. Something interesting about the enemies is that human enemies will drop small pickups called Bullets. These actually function as a sort of leveling up system...let me explain. When you start the game, you die when you get hit once by anything. However, after you collect 5 Bullets, you will earn an extra hit as it increases your maximum health. Collect 10 more after that, and you'll be able to take two extra hits. As you collect more and more Bullets, your maximum increases when you finally reach certain amounts of them, up to the point where you can have 10 extra hits, I believe. Pretty cool, eh?
Bosses...are lame, unfortunately, with a few exceptions. The objective of each level is to destroy a computer core at the end. These are always guarded by something...but that something is usually really easy to either destroy or ignore. For example, sometimes there's a platoon of soldiers in the room, led by a bearded soldier who stands in one place and swings a sword about twice per second. Do you have to go up there and kill him? Fuck no...you can just cruise right by him and his cronies and start blowing away the core! The ones that make things a little (emphasis on "a little") bit more difficult are a flying robot that hovers up and down and shoots a spread of three projectiles once every 1600 years, and a large RoboCop-lookin' dude who needs to be shot directly in the face and can pull you into him with grappling hooks...but you can just stay out of his range and blow him away relatively easily. Then the computer core is yours for the picking. You earn weapons and items at the end of each level and then you can progress onward.
But silly me, what about the story? Why the hell are there Nazis in the future? What's the whole point of this damn game?! Well, you're sent in to simply rescue a dude named Super Joe (the guy you play as in Commando) from the clutches of the Badds. By the time you finally rescue him, he informs you that the Badds are planning on creating and activating a massive superweapon called the Albatros (yes, it's missing an s). However, the only person with the key knowledge to get the damn thing running has been dead for a long time. Since April 30th, 1945 to be exact.
Talkin' bout Hitler!
He's called Master-D in the North American version...but you take one look at his damn face and it's Hitler. I assume the D stands for dictator, but who the hell knows. They actually censored a lot of stuff out of this game...swastikas were turned into albatross symbols, for example. Also, the game was called "The Resurrection of Hitler: Top Secret" in Japan. So yeah, the Badds are trying to resuscitate Hitler and make a giant, flying laser cannon. You only find this out after you rescue Joe, so then you head to the Badds' headquarters to stop them. When you reach Generalissimo Killt (the Badds' current leader), he spouts all this crap about how they have the Albatros operational and don't even need to revive Hitler, so he stopped the revival machine. But in traditional Nazi fashion, Hitler fucks things up by busting out and killing Killt. Oh, Hitler, you're so crazy! Then he calls you a "damn fool" and activates the Albatros, which you need to blow up. This is one of the boss fights of the game that's actually really sweet. The 'Tros takes up most of the screen, and you need to grapple and swing onto various points of it in order to get a clear shot at its weak point while avoiding flames coming out of thrusters and such.
Then comes one of the most hilarious and also shocking points in NES gaming history. Firstly, when I was a kid, it had already caught me quite off guard to see "damn" in a video game. THAT'S A SWEAR WORD! Oh god, what an edgy game! Should I even be playing this? Should I tell my parents?! So after you destroy the 'Tros, it winds up that Hitl...err, Master-D is trying to escape in a helicopter (GET TO DA CHOPPA!). You chase him and run into a soldier named Hal who, with his dying breath, gives you a weapon called the Hyper Bazooka and tells you to blow up the helicopter with it. You need to swing down and fire at the perfect point in order to hit the cockpit with a rocket, otherwise you just land in front of the helicopter and get pelted with bullets until you die. If you time that shot right, however, you're rewarded with one of the best damned animations I've ever seen in my life:
That's right. So this game was not only my first subjection to swearing in a video game, but also violence! Hitler's head just fucking blew up! I had nightmares about this after I saw it cause it just messed me up so bad! WHO WOULD KNOW TO EXPECT THAT? Nintendo games were for kids, for god's sakes! This was intense. I look back at it now and laugh my ass off, but at the time it was pretty damn freaky to see a dude's head get turned into chunks. And that's not even the end! Then you need to escape the base in under a minute or it will "explod" (Engriiiish!) with you in it! So you book it out and you're attacked by a final RoboCop dude but he sucks and you can just dodge him, so yeah. Pretty damn intense!
The graphics in this game are well done and detailed, and overall there's really no problem with the graphical presentation. That's a trend that Capcom is known quite well for though, so no surprise there. The music, however, is amazing and damn catchy. The composer of the tunes is a guy named Junko Tamiya, who composed a really sweet military-inspired soundtrack for the game. Every single track in Bionic Commando is solid, with some prominent drum rolls and a heavy military sound to the main instruments, and they'll definitely get stuck in your head...particularly the theme for Area 01 (and various others after that), which is easily one of the coolest themes from the NES era in my humble opinion. Oh, and don't even get me started on the soundtrack for Bionic Commando: Rearmed, the remake for current generation systems...it takes the original themes and gives them a...oh wait, I'm going to write about that game later so I'll wait until then!
The difficulty of the game is sort of a tricky thing to tackle. The enemies themselves aren't terribly difficult, but Rad can't take too many hits at first so there's definitely a difficulty curve...but it gets easier over time as you collect more Bullets and gain more hits. However, the grappling element really makes things tricky, and you need absolutely perfect timing to avoid falling down a cliff or into a pit of spikes. Getting the hang of this mechanic takes a little while, but man is it ever rewarding when you can just blow through a bunch of enemies while pulling off some really sweet grappling swings to get through an area effortlessly. It establishes a flow to the game that no other NES game really has to offer, and that's something special indeed.
I think that's it! I wrote this all while waiting for my damn car to get its tires changed! WOO!
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The Bottom Line
Bionic Commando is a fucking gem of the NES era. The unique mechanics established by the use of the grappling hook rather than jumping set it apart from other sidescrollers and gives it a really cool charm. The amount of choice provided to the player is pretty cool, with the choice of weapons, armors, and special items to get through levels...which themselves can be played in an order that you prefer (to an extent, of course). The sound of the game is top notch, and the music and graphics are both awesome in true Capcom fashion.
The only downsides to the game are that I wish the functions for Start and Select were switched, so that Start paused the game and select used your special items, but it's not terrible and you get used to it. Also the bosses could have been way better.
But you know what else? You get to blow up Hitler's fucking head! What other NES game can you do that in?
That's right...fucking none. Play this game.
9/10
Now, to quote a Badd soldier found in one of the neutral areas:
Get the heck out of here, you nerd!
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